Took this pic of my body perhaps Oct 19. Since people had been commenting on how I looked even skinnier (plus they said I looked pretty unhealthy...) I tried to weigh myself and the number shown... was not surprising. I did lose a little but it was not my lightest weight so yeah...
I am 159 tall (sometimes they measured it 160) and my lightest weight was 50 kg, a few months ago. On this pic, I was 51. My heaviest was 68 when I was at university, I remember it was some time after I got discharged from the hospital. Only like a 3 or 2 day hospital stay from the shock and some wounds I got from a motorbike accident with my sister. I think it was back in 2009 or 2010, on Batik Day 2nd of Oct.
As soon as I figured out that I had hit my heaviest, at 68, I panicked and the thought of seeing a doctor (of nutrition) just kept popping out in my head. Until I really did go to see one and shared the experience here. But it didn't help me lose a kg because I disliked the doctor and was not ready for some diet. Haha.
Anyway, I'm a big boned and have always been big since I was little. I never had enough knowledge in dieting, and always have very good appetite. So basically I never dream of having a body like any of Korean girl bands' members but I do always feel uncomfortable with my own body ever since I was at elementary. But I always pretended like I was fine with being fat, so I kept eating a lot... of unhealthy foods. When puberty hit around middle school, I was like... lost. I became more uncomfortable and was never confident with my body, I remember I weighed 63 kg when I was only 153 cm tall. That time don't say soc med, to access internet I needed to go to internet cafe and instead of googling how to lose weight in a healthy way, all I did was chatting on mIRC hahaha. I ended up "stealing" some slimming pills, since my dad ran a drugstore.
But that was all in the past. I'm now determined to maintain this weight... the healthiest way I could. I still love food as much though.. the nasty ones haha. Sometimes (a lot of times sadly!) I still binge, especially on those hormonal days. But I will keep trying to get back to the track. Now I'm still not being completely myself, I'm still having ups and downs, I guess it affects my appetite somehow. Binge eating yesterday, losing appetite today. Laughing for an hour, deeply saddened the next hours. Yesterday I even woke up feeling unwell, like my head was spinning, and I felt like vomiting. It was not the first time actually, had it around two times before it was so bad I even took leave from work. Wondering why but don't think it's serious... perhaps my messed up eating habit lately. Oh and I haven't worked out much these two weeks. Like having no energy... all I wanted was simply lying in bed or singing on Smule. Ah I miss my old self.... Even though today I'm again at my down phase, I am so hoping I can get a grip on myself, soon. Gosh....
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