Last night after karaoke (yes I was still sobbing helplessly singing my nostalgic songs of him), checking my phone I found this message. It's from my Chinese sister. It reads "(Little) Sis, you must eat something, your body won't bear it if you don't eat. How will you come to China to meet me? Listen to this sister here don't be like this, okay?"
Must be "my mom" at office "reported" to her about my condition. I barely ate nothing at lunch break. On the afternoon a few hours before clock out, she called me on the phone:
M: You better carefully listen to me, I'm not talking as a friend but as a senior to you.
S: What's this about?
M: Don't think much, just listen. Don't think I'm nosy, it's that I care.
S: Say it.... (started thinking what have I done wrong)
M: You better start to eat or I won't let you go to China. You've been like this for 5 days already, if you keep doing this, by the time you go to China you'd collapse and getting infused instead. You want it to be like that?
S: (.. she randomly called me just to tell me to eat? lol) It's not like I don't eat at all, I still eat, Maam... I just have no appetite..
M: Don't even start. I don't care appetite thingy, you must eat like normal.
S: Then buy me the ticket first (to China), then I'll eat normal.
M: No way. I'm telling your sister to cancel this trip. You know you're slowly killing yourself right, being like this?
S: Let it be..
M: Watch your mouth. I'm telling your sister to cancel this trip if you don't start eating normally. If that's not enough, I'll tell your boss too tomorrow in the management meeting.
S: Ah, don't! Okay you know I'm going out with my friend tonight, right? She promised me she'll feed me. I'll eat. I will.
M: Are you a baby she needs to feed? *laugh*
S: Whatever, Mam.. I didn't ask her anything, she said she wanted to treat me, I said I still don't feel like eating and she said she'd feed me :p
M: Whatever. I'll tell her to better make you eat and provide me the proof.
S: Like you knew her number :p
Right after the conversation ended, I spent a minute "contemplating": is this me, she has just talked to? Sarah, who likes food better than anyone else? Sarah, who can't stop munching? Is that me.. how many days again she said? 5 days? I can't believe it.
So that night, I ate for the first time in the last 5 days like a.. an almost normal person. It's still a little hard to munch let alone enjoy the food, but I managed to eat up almost one piece of chicken warp. That's all. Oh and a stick of french fries. I never imagined before that such a day when I have difficulty enjoying food, would come in my life...
So from today on, realizing I need to survive so that I could go meet my sister in China, although I still haven't managed to get rid of his remembrance and all the painful imagination of him with his new girl, I've decided to try even much harder to accept the fact...
... the fact that he has erased me from his heart and his memory. Get rid of that remembrance when he helplessly said he couldn't erase you, baby. It's only an illusion now.
The fact that I'm the only one getting hurt when the other party is replacing me with someone else younger prettier than me.. and celebrating his new happy life with her.. without spending a minute thinking how am I doing.
The fact that he'd chosen her and remove me. (I swear writing this is like sprinkling salt over my open wound...)
The fact that he, no matter how I was so convinced he was different, but turns out is still a normal guy who has fallen for a beautiful girl this fast.. this fast....
The fact that my mum was right when I said to her "I'm worried if he really takes 2 years to get a new girl" and her expression was like "do you actually buy that? not a man in this world will be able to refuse girls, even when his one eye is crying over a woman, his other eye is already searching for another one". LOL. She is so true. I said to her "but he is different, he is more than sincere to me.." Oh I was such a fool... (but here's a secret fact: I still believe he's a good guy after all.. can I be more pathetic?)
And most of all,
The fact that you and him are just not destined to be together whatever happens.
Well, life goes on. He has her now. You? You have none. Lol. (You have your God, Sarah. I know, I know...)
SH
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