I Cut My Hair (Very) Short

I always know that I'm the type of more to spontaneous person....
Like how I asked for a separation last time when I was still so much in love with him. I still do, by the way. Sometimes I could regret it, but I keep reminding myself that it was indeed the right decision. Even if I hurt again.

These days I've been filling the void in my heart with food. Persetan dengan resolusi 48 yang kubuat beberapa hari menjelang hari ultahku kemarin. Once I have let myself out, I can be the unfortunate version of Yuka Kinoshita. I have as great appetite as her but not with her lucks on being able to stay in shape no matter how much food she eats. So it resulted in me... gaining 3 kg. It's only 5 days away from my big sis wedding day, see, not even a week. But I couldn't control my emotional eating so I kept getting myself trapped in a long period of  binge stage..... And ended up gaining weight instead of losing it. Not to mention I am still mentally unstable: tears overflowing at nights in bed, and sometimes in broad daylights at the office. Feeling strong for a moment then getting stuffy the next hours. What a cycle.

I've always wanted short hair, tapi rambutku terlalu tebal, kata orang salon. Jadi kalau kependekan nggak bagus, akan terlihat ngembang. But you know what. Last night I made my own historical record... I wasn't thinking much about it at all but then at around 9:30 pm, sitting on the bench in front of the mirror, I grabbed a paper scissors...then started cutting my hair. It IS the shortest ever I'm telling you... And my first time cutting it wholly. I cut before, only to make bangs. But this time, I made it. Don't know if I'd regret it later on but for now, I'm still feeling kind a ... fresh.

My sisters were surprised and especially my younger sister. She dropped her jaw seeing me upstairs, with my new hair, when we were just talking a few hours before, downstairs, with my long usual hair. Hahaha. I was sending the pictures to my friends, and they were also like... most of them said I looked fresh, beautiful. Some said I was crazy for cutting it myself. Some complimented that it turned out nice even when I only used paper scissors, hehe.

And... No, I didn't have any plan on becoming the new me whatsoever by having my hair cut this short. Last night, again, was one of those times I had it very hard again. The memories popped out so strong and I was missing him so much... I remember crying until over 1 am, with my sister sleeping tight beside me. Gosh... How much more days will I spend with his memories haunting me, with this feeling of overly missing him. I miss him every day.