This simple request yet impossible to come true, is what has been echoing in my mind.
"Before I leave, can we meet once again for the last time.. cause I'm not sure if I'll come back safe and sound."
The last time I was in China, you were still there, baby. You kept checking my whereabouts, my condition. I could feel how you missed me around that time. I tried to answer you in a cold way, even if it hurt me. I didn't want you to keep thinking of me when we had reached the end of all efforts, when it was more than clear that all we could face was the impossibility for us to be together. I wanted to set you free so you could find happiness. You could become the playful you again, like how you used to be, long before I entered your life.
Last time I was in China, when it was cold in December, you told me I should've let you lend me that blue yurongfu to keep me warm. Now, baby, will you be offering it to some other girl you've chosen?
You know I get into a disharmony with my mama at home, a lot. You were always there, baby. I would run to you anytime I seek for a comfort. Yesterday when I wanted to run away from that hell, again, I realized you're not there anymore.. You wouldn't come driving all the way from your place to mine, like you used to. I couldn't get to the train and have you waiting for me at the station, like how it used to....
I'm leaving the house soon, baby. I'm leaving this country soon. Will I be able to bear my lonesome heart with your memories haunting me? With this heart that keeps wanting you back? Will I be able to come back strong and revived? I've endured several times parting with you and when it even took place in China, the same bedroom, the same pillow... But you're never really gone. You finally came back. You.. kept coming back. You.. who stayed in my heart for a couple of years and never really gone.
You.. who understood me the best. And I who knew you better than anyone else.
Thank you for making me feel loved. You'll stay like that in my memory, for I could find no way to replace it with the version of you who've hurt me like this, you who have chosen such a beautiful girl of the same world as yours. The same world as yours.. A bitter ending that makes my heart bleed more. I'm such a potato and she's a goddess. Lol. I do wish for your happiness but right now, I still can't be happy for you.. sorry for being such a selfish girl like you admitted yourself, but at least I'm being honest....
SH
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