It's All Thanks to You....

That I experienced this bitterness..
I never blame you. It's just my sorrowful heart blocking my logic mind.
To yesterday, I didn't want to talk about logic, cause all I could feel was bitterness.

It's the fourth day and I'm feeling a slightly better, of course my heart still stings every now and then, no matter what I am doing. Talking with friends, laughing with them, it stings, and it stings more when I have nothing in mind. You may say I'm too much, but none could understand this until they experience it themselves. Of course since I'm quite a melancholic dominant so it will be much more unbearable for me than those who aren't.

Last three days, I lost appetite. If you know me very well, I'm someone who even takes fried rice as a snack, I'm that kind who never not want to chew, I'm the type to still want to eat even when I am being hospitalized. In short, I love food so hugely much. Seems I loved him more than my love to food, by the third day, I lost 2 kg. I should be happy but I could feel nothing but pain. Singing got me better, and now I'm trying to put more focus to strengthen my spiritual life. Well take times, but I'm going to that direction. I've decided not to blame God nor anyone.

Last three days, there was not a single day I didn't take Mefinal. My head ached. For two nights I couldn't sleep since my heart was so heavy and aching, I could see the images of him doing sweet things with his new one when my eyes were closed. So the third night, when I couldn't bear it, I asked my sister to bring me some sleeping pills. And thankfully last night I could have 5 hour sleep. Starting today I feel my stomach aching, as far as I'm understanding my own body, I'm not someone with gastric problems but I think I'm taking some medicine for this when I get back home. I still don't feel like eating food.

You know, I always thought that one can't really go through something this bad to the point they lose appetite and feel the heart aching. The melancholic songs, the sad dramas, I thought it was all purely made up. But it turns out that the dramas and songs are made up of reality. Some people actually go through love bitterness and experience these hardships.

It's the fourth day.
My heart still stings. Very much.


SH